he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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