did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
