haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
