I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is it because I queefed?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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