i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
