Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
