he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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