listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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