You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
