The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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