You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
