My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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