I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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