Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
