A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
