Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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