dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
