with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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