Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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