Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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