Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
