She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
His hands were made for my vagina.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
