At least make sure they are 18
Why
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
