Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
