they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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