I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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