you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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