You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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