I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
