update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
