i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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