the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
