I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
