I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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