well I can't set my house on fire every night
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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