shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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