eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
