There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize