You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
