she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize