What did we do last night that was yellow?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
