OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
