I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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