I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
