The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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