Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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