Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
