even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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