i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
