i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
