Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
