Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
