be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
