I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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