I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
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I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM