Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body

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  (818): i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body http://tfl.nu/r8xl
  Replies (4) Good night (1167) Bad night (777)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it

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  (763): there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it http://tfl.nu/ck34
  Replies (50) Good night (1764) Bad night (3401)
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  (+77): View more from

  her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'

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  (+77): her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like' http://tfl.nu/jkuk
  Replies (22) Good night (7054) Bad night (1614)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.

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  (201): i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds. http://tfl.nu/tub0
  Replies (12) Good night (3144) Bad night (807)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.

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  (612): Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever. http://tfl.nu/d9v5
  Replies (8) Good night (3223) Bad night (875)
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  (845): View more from New York

  the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did

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  (845): the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did http://tfl.nu/11j3
  Replies (11) Good night (1215) Bad night (4444)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.

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  (630): The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking. http://tfl.nu/uq3n
  Replies (47) Good night (6760) Bad night (1680)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.

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  (970): I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more. http://tfl.nu/19ra
  Replies (3) Good night (2846) Bad night (943)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes

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  (519): he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes http://tfl.nu/rvmv
  Replies (13) Good night (1144) Bad night (4096)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.

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  (610): I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with. http://tfl.nu/uzcd
  Replies (8) Good night (1440) Bad night (585)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...

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  (540): It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces... http://tfl.nu/y5ts
  Replies (6) Good night (1912) Bad night (624)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.

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  (215): I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back. http://tfl.nu/mir2
  Replies (3) Good night (598) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.

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  (612): I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite. http://tfl.nu/m5xg
  Replies (1) Good night (750) Bad night (332)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.

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  (512): How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries. http://tfl.nu/pkrn
  Replies (4) Good night (707) Bad night (344)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.

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  (602): I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit. http://tfl.nu/cxey
  Replies (3) Good night (549) Bad night (359)

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