Texts From Last Night

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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.

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  (337): it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots. http://tfl.nu/c5aw
  Replies (33) Good night (4907) Bad night (708)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick

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  (973): I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick http://tfl.nu/xw1l
  Replies (41) Good night (1182) Bad night (3766)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.

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  (309): so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday. http://tfl.nu/j6eg
  Replies (8) Good night (5365) Bad night (797)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.

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  (732): i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you. http://tfl.nu/3kwo
  Replies (18) Good night (5063) Bad night (760)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.

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  (901): He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/xizg
  Replies (12) Good night (735) Bad night (6277)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.

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  (314): I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today. http://tfl.nu/ix6a
  Replies (44) Good night (7003) Bad night (1280)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes

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  (713): I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes http://tfl.nu/wjig
  Replies (41) Good night (5317) Bad night (976)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.

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  (518): I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being. http://tfl.nu/lv2s
  Replies (13) Good night (8131) Bad night (1219)
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  (607): View more from New York

  He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges

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  (607): He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges http://tfl.nu/3nw2
  Replies (24) Good night (1345) Bad night (6448)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  oh my god i'm in a crawl space

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  (715): oh my god i'm in a crawl space http://tfl.nu/mjlz
  Replies (16) Good night (2712) Bad night (1312)
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  (315): View more from New York

  3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.

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  (315): 3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn. http://tfl.nu/iak3
  Replies (8) Good night (2056) Bad night (746)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.

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  (289): This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break. http://tfl.nu/v46r
  Replies (4) Good night (828) Bad night (413)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it

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  (208): It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it http://tfl.nu/8smb
  Replies (5) Good night (1290) Bad night (450)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.

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  (843): the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me. http://tfl.nu/9gb5
  Replies (5) Good night (469) Bad night (282)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.

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  (240): My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems. http://tfl.nu/4b6z
  Replies (1) Good night (481) Bad night (256)

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