Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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