I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she pinky promised me she was 18
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?