My sheets look like a crime scene.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I didn't notice because vodka
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
