I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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