Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
