I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
