I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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