She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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