That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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