i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
