The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
