Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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